DEAR SOS: I have been engaged to my fiancé “Nick” for close to two years now. He is 42 years old and I am twenty-five. He is divorced and has two children, 5 and 9 years old. Within the first four months of getting together, we moved in together in our own apartment. He had told me they had separated because his wife no longer loved him and she wanted to marry someone else. The whole time we’ve been together, he has been travelling a lot and when he’s in town, he’s also spends time with his family, his parents and his kids.
Now he’s changed his job and doesn’t travel that much and is in town most of the time. Since then I have been learning new things about him. While, he has many of the characteristics that I look for in a man, I am finding he isn’t the man I want to spend my whole life with. He is a good father and a good son as far as I can tell. He is a good provider, intelligent, handsome and we have a lot in common. I love his family. But for few months now, I have been rethinking my decision to marry him. The love connection between us seem to be missing. He’s very picky and stubborn and likes having things his way. When he doesn’t get it his way he nags over and over until I give in.
I feel like I can’t be myself around him without him judging me or making facial expressions. I have tried telling him how I feel, but I always end up hurting his feelings or he ends up pointing the finger at me. He’s the best person I have ever met, but I’m not deeply in love with him. He doesn’t bring out the best in me and I don’t know what to do. How should I handle this situation without breaking our engagement? We are set to marry next year, but I am re-thing the whole idea of marriage. Confused in Surrey
DEAR Confused in Surrey: You and Nick might be able to communicate more effectively if you had premarital counselling. However, if it doesn’t resolve your issues, do not marry him, regardless of how handsome he is or what a good provider you think he will be.
To have a successful marriage, you will have to be yourself. You need to be hundred percent sure if he’s the guy for you. In a relationship one partner should compliment the other partner and bring out the best in each other. With help, you may be able to save the relationship. But if counselling doesn’t work, do both of you a favor and do what’s best for both of you and cancel the engagement. But do try to work on the relationship. If that doesn’t help then it’s better to end the relationship and move on. Good luck.
